Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Now that your rose is in bloom, A light hits the moon on the grave...

Last night we shot some finals scenes for Enbloc (8pm every Wed! ;) ) and while I can't give too much away, I have to say that Cindy, my character, goes through lots of ups and downs. Last night was one of my downs. Which brings me to this question.

Would you be the third party in a relationship? As in be the person that would cause a relationship to break up, to be with the girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife. Would you be the "Other woman/man"?

Sometimes in life you meet people, whom you connect amazingly with, that you wonder what it'll be like to be with that person... and he or she ends up to be either in a relationship, or worse, married. Actually, I won't explore the married option, because that one's really off limits. heh. A more controversial question would be the other one. I guess there are a few options;

1. Try to steal he/she away from her partner
Personally I believe in karma, that is what goes around, comes around. If you steal her away from her partner, there'sa high chance that it'll happen to you. Not just because of Karma, but hey - if she can leave her man for you, she sure a hell would be able to leave you for another man. So tread carefully on this turf. Playing devil's advocate though - and this is a true story - the lady ended up leaving her fiancee for the guy, and they ended up happily married. So how? Its still a risk to take this path, because if she decides not to leave her man, your relationship with her would be ruined forever. She wouldn't respect what you tried to do (especially if you were manipulative), and you possible may have lost respect for her in the process as well (for cheating on her partner). So there is a high chance of this one not working out.

2. Be 'friends'
Almost like option (1), but not really. Whilst you make it clear to her that you have feelings for her, and you'd be the best man in the world for her, refuse to do anything with her while she's in a relationship. She would probably admire your 'principles' (or not, pending on how you handle it), and you may or may not get results. Point is, ball is in her court, and its she who decides what she wants to do. Make it clear though, that being the third wheel is not an option for you. Whilst very easy to initially do, this option becomes complicated if emotions are thrown in the air and treads on option (1) above. Amazing amount of willpower is required is to carry this option out.

3. Quietly sit in a corner and wait
Establish a good enough relationship so much so that you guys go out occassionally enough to 'kinda' know of her lovelife situation. Better yet, befriend her best friend (and hopefully she has a loose tongue). Then wait for her relationship to fall apart, and STRIKE! while the iron is hot. Heh. Sounds easy enough, and it can possibly be so if your timing is good enough, but danger lurks where she's having a fantastic relationship with her (blasted) fella, and you end up waiting for about 3-7 years before she decides to marry the dude and have little mini-hers running around. So whilst this option may not guaruntee results... it is possibly the safest. I mean, if its meant to be, its meant to be.. (another life-principle I believe in), and depending on your own principles, you could possibly even date other people while you're waiting around (though this is tricky as well, 'cause then you end up using someone else to pass time). But I'm not here to judge you, and to be honest - whatever floats your boat, right?

4. Burn it
Totally not have anything to do with her, 'cause you're not that sorta person to break a relationship up. Slightly less pro-active than option (3), but still, it really ain't a bad idea, at the end of the day. There are LOTS of fish in the sea. Trust me, you'd find someone else as good / better than that person that you think is the special one. Stop wanting what you can't have, and move on. With some luck, she'll realise what she let go, and chase after you instead. ;)

19 comments:

Desmond said...

So what is Andrea stand on the matter?

Jav said...

Well, when it happens, it's hard, Andrea. Anyway, my stand is, better to lose like a winner than lose like a loser. ;)

Pathfinder said...

Jav...

I'll take WIN LIKE A WINNER for five hundred...

Pathfinder said...

"A light hits the moon on the grave..."

Is that what that was? I could NEVER understand what he was singing. Come to think of it, I STILL can't understand what he's SAYING.

This entry is pretty exhaustive...and was (I'm guessing) exhausting to write.

And was written from a guy's perspective...

Alex said...

I believe in fate. It is just so difficult to avoid and tell yourself what is right or wrong thing to do. So i guess the best way is to try to minimise any chances of hurtign other people during the process.

Compulsive Blogger said...

Hi Andrea,

If I may be a busybody for a moment....

I thinking what most would do is start out with (3), then try (2) and eventually (1), if they get really desperate (or are too much in love).

"if she can leave her man for you, she sure a hell would be able to leave you for another man"

-Good point, but maybe that its because we keep thinking of ways to win someones love, and not KEEP it, which is an entirely diff thing!

-In the end, they say all is fair in Love & war, as long as everyones still single, what could be more important fighting for what you believe in? I means, its your life's happiness at stake, go all out!

Desmond said...

Thats why people have affairs in the order of item 2, 1, 3 and 4 kekekeke...pretend pretend be friends in the process try to steal a bite or so then wait and see if can progress further....if not Burn it kakakaka....quite mean hor..but i guess thats what most ppl would do honestly...for me I would...if the feelings are there

Andrea Fonseka said...

Path: I wrote this entry, from Cindy's perspective.. Cindy as in my character on Enbloc. She has a love interest, and *shock horror gasp* I'm not going to give things away lah just watch it next week to find out. ;P

My stand on all of this? No. 4. You need to be mentally smart enough not to even ALLOW yourself to have any form of strong feelings for the person. Safest, and definitely smartest thing to do. Do NOT play with fire here..

Thats just my two cents. Of course I'm speaking from a very 'black' and 'white' perspective. There are always the grey areas, such as, what if they're seperated, divorced, etc. Then things get complicated.

Senandung K said...

#4 is a definite answer because love's just like a rubber band. the more u pull it away, the more it come chasing after u! :)

Compulsive Blogger said...

Well put. It probably IS the smarter thing to not to allow those feelings... but here's the problem; despite what try to argue, everyone essentially act on emotions, and then justify with facts.

So what can dear Cindy do about her (already evident) feelings despite knowing all the facts?

Andrea Fonseka said...

well, watch ep 3-7 to find out! ;P

Compulsive Blogger said...

Haha.. you're really good at this aren't you? Now we'll have no choice but to watch your show! ;)

Cheers...

Ryanwhiteorchid said...

How about a 5th option?

My personal stance - If you love someone, if you truely love someone, you will wait.

It might sound simple and hard, but if that is the person you love and even if that person is with someone else, why would you be with someone else.

I would not be able to be around the person, as it would not be fair for that person to constantly know how you feel, telling somoene is one thing but starting a relationship based on the ashes of another is totaly different.

Hello Andrea,

could you email me on ryanwhiteorchid (at) gmail (dot) com

I asked you to be on a board of directors before and you said you would like to.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Ryan

Pathfinder said...

Do you mean that you wrote this for C, from the perspective of a MAN who's AFTER C? That would make sense...what with your use of "she" and "her".

And great plug... ;)

I was...entertained by the idea of you in pursuit of a girl, I have to admit. :O I figured, however, that you were writing FOR men FROM a man's point of view. I'm thinking your readers are MOSTLY male...

Pathfinder said...

You've taken a stand...and here are my thoughts.

(A) Married women are out...period.

(B) I'd go out with a woman who's married (to a man I don't know) BEFORE a bud's GF.

(C) I'm a straightshooter. I need a girl who's a straightshooter. The strategists in your post BEWILDER me. :)

You know, WE have...options. For some...there aren't LOTS of fish in the sea. But YOUR thing will be to wade through LOTS of chaff to find SOME wheat...and, NO, I'm not the chaff. :P :)

ShadowDancer said...

hi!..
Havent left a cmmt for very long time..

心魔 said...

Easy. Option (1).

If he/she and his/her present partner are truly meant to be, nothing you do will separate them.

If he/she and his/her present partner are not meant to be, then you'd just be facilitating the destiny of their relationship.

When will you ever reply to my e-mail, Andrea Veronica Fonseka?

Pathfinder said...

A...

When I said "we" have options...that would be "you" and "me", not "us". Thought I had to make that clear...breaks your heart, I know. ;)

Shadowdancer...

What's happening? :)

subzero said...

well the safest thing to do is chill back and wait...coz i've been through this situation and it is ugly...