Okay so my last post on this topic did stir up some ruckus. Let me explain:
1. By being an authoritative, assertive male, I did NOT mean that women WANT to be walked all over like a welcome mat. Giving your opinion, good. Forcing her to agree with you, bad.
2. For every relationship to work, there MUST be mutual respect, understanding and love. Its still very much achieveable when you're the 'man'. All you need to do really is to think Rationally, with her Feelings in Consideration. Eg:
- Old Scenario: You stay in with her to have dinner with her family and watch tv when you'd really much rather be having beers with your mates.
- New Scenario: You go have beer with her mates, provided:
1. You didn't promise her you'd have dinner with her before hand
2. Its not a special ocassion (better check, it might be your anniversary)
3. (MOST IMPORTANT) - If the shoe was on the other foot, you would have no problems with your girlfriend ditching you for her friends.
#3 explained: If you want some length of rope, you need to be willing to give her the same.
- Old Scenario: You drove her everywhere. You take time off work to pick her up and send her shopping.
- New Scenario: Unless she's in major distress (no cash for cab, no time to get one, family emergency, or she just got her period), she can cab it. Of course if you're just sitting at home in front of the telly eating pizza and its raining, and it really wouldn't hurt you to pick her up, by all means. But watch it or it'll become an expectation. You need to watch for that, and pull back if she starts becoming a demanding demon. However, if she's running around for YOU - eg; buying things to cook you dinner, it'll only be respectful and polite (not to mention loving) for you to pick her up, right? Again, its about mutual respect, and of course, understanding.
- Old Scenario: You really want to impress her, and sweep her off her feet. You buy her gifts and write her poems.
- New Scenario: We've been through this before. You definitely cannot keep that up, so that shouldn't be the reasons she's with you (ie pampering and materials). Treat her like you would treat a woman you love and respect; and she won't ask for anything more. If she does she's not for you, anyway.
Today, I'm going to talk about a very specific topic: How to 'pick up' a girl in a club. In no circumstances am I advocating 'picking up girls' in clubs, but if you're sincere, and she's a nice person; who knows where it'll lead to?? So yes. This is for those of you who think you've seen your soulmate sipping a frozen margarita across the bar, and something in your head and heart tells you to go up to her and establish some sort of contact with that woman of your dreams.
- Old Scenario: You really want to pick up this girl in a club. You go over to her, ask if you can buy her a drink, and get her number.
New Scenario: Nothing changes, really, except how you HANDLE IT. When you go over to her, dont use a line. Women have heard everything before. I really like upfront and honest guys, who don't seem like their 10 dollar drink is an exchange for a phone number. I have met some really nice guys in clubs before, and they're the ones actually interesting enough to talk to for more than 5 minutes without their hand making any contact with my waist/arm/back/(god forbid) butt. (N.B: Sure I never really ended up dating them, but we've become friends.) Things you need to arm yourself before you approach a girl:
1. CONFIDENCE: If she's an attractive woman, chances are you're not the first guy in there to try to buy her drinks just to get into her pants. A good way to start would be to not talk to her at first. If she notices you, she does. You must NOT make an obvious, doubtful attempt (walk up next to her, sit down, and wait 3 minutes before turning to her and say, "hey! I know you I've seen you somewhere before!" - confirmmmm dead end.) Be discreet, and strike when the iron is hot: When she actually already has a full glass of drink in her hand. Go right up to her and chat her up, with something unconventional. Say to her that her top is nice, but she really doesn't need to try so hard. Her eyebrows will shoot straight up into her forehead, and she might choke on her drink; but then you save yourself by saying (with a naughty twinkle in your eye), "Nah, I'm just saying that cause a beautiful girl like you doesn't need to try as hard as the rest to get noticed in a place like this."- Followed by a wink. She'll probably blush, laugh a little, and say, "Uh, thanks" before you introduce yourself. Once you break the ice, things are easy. End the conversation by, "Listen, I know you don't give out your phone number to strangers, but I'd like to see you again, outside this dump (referring to the club)". You'd probably get it if you're still confident, and if she's single. Once you got the phone number, wait till the following evening at the EARLIEST to drop her a text. She'll be wondering all morning why you've not called or texted. Ask her out for coffee. (its not considered a date), or a movie. DON'T JUMP TO A DINNER DATE. Just arrange something not-so-intimate, just to get to know her. If you're right for each other, you'll know. If not, oh well at least you tried, right?
2. Know that you will very likely be shot down.
You see, everything I wrote above only happens once in a blue moon (when Saturn alligns itself perfectly between Venus and the Sun, and Mars is on the other side of the Solar System. Translated: Almost never.) So, if you get shot down, take it with a pinch of salt, and move on. Furthermore, only employ the above if there is no other way to approach her: Ie you KNOW you dont share any friends (who can do the introducing) etc. You can also obviously decrease the chances of getting burnt by not asking questions that will end the conversation immediately:
You: Hey how's it going?
Her: uhh? Fine, thanks. (turns away)
You: ............ uh, that's great! (followed by uncomfortable silence...)
You: Hey, has anyone told you you're the most beautiful girl in the club?
Her: uhh? Thanks. (turns away)
You: No, Really! You are!
Her: (if she's not drunk off her face) .... Okay thanks. *walks away*
(This line is actually the worst line ever cause even if she doesn't walk away for some reason she'll think you tell every girl that in order to establish contact. Which, if you do use this line, is probably true).
3. Be prepared to live with the, "So, how many of your other girlfriends did you pick up at a club?" question, if the two of you should ever start dating seriously. lol.
One thing that makes an impression on me, would be this: If the guy does NOT flirt with me at all. And I mean, AT ALL. I usually think to myself, "Hmmm. He didn't flirt with me one bit. I kinda like that."
Of course, flirting would work well on some girls, I'm just writing this for the group of girls who have built up a defence mechanism towards flirtatious men. I dont like them one bit; makes me feel like that's how they'd be with any other woman, and then suddenly I'm not 'special' anymore. Lol. Its hard to put it down without sounding incredibly horrible like it does when I say it that way. But trust me: All women want to feel special to the man they're with. They want to feel like they're 'different' from all your other relationships, and not that you're Prince Charming to all of them, including her.
Well that's all I have time for now. If any of you manage to score a wife using this tactic, please invite me to your wedding. ;P