Friday, August 17, 2007

Andrea the Auntie Agony.

A friend of mine called me up for advice today. Seems I am starting to be the Aunt Agony these days.

Well here's the story. (She emailed me, and I didn't quite have the time to check my email so she called. But I asked her permission, and here's the email.)

Background story: She was dating a guy at work (big NO NO!) and he's leaving the company in a little while. She came to Singapore suddenly as her grandmother passed away; and she wasn't sure where the relationship was going. Initially he was more into her as she was into him.. but hey, time changes things and like the softies we women are; she eventually fell for him. And I told her so, while she was in Singapore and was having some problems with regards to his crazy way of being so self centered (from little things of not getting her a drink during lunch when he got himself one, to big things like not even bothering to say goodbye as she left the country).

Ok now for real, here's the story.
...Long story short he pretty much told me that he knows himself well enough to know that once he leaves at the end of august, he will be so engrossed in school that we probably wouldn't work out and he alluded tohis past relationships and how they experienced a similar doom and we were likely to follow the same path, especially since we would live about an hour from one another (long distance factor???!). I think he also mentioned something about how he could just picture if we were to try, he would just be a total jerk to me on the phone and he wouldn't beable to do stuff be cause school is so intense, blahblahblah. Clearly,I know that he just doesn't think that we are really worth trying for.And, someone is delirious or just plain stupid, b/c he figures that we can hang out, enjoy each others company before he leaves. We wereobviously going to have to have this conversation sometime soon, but Iguess he didn't expect that I would bring up now.

Obviously u can tell what my reaction to all of this was. I couldn'tbelieve that he was so selfish. More incredulously, I couldn't believe I let myself care so much for someone like him. (Yes, you wereright, obviously my feelings for the guy was stronger that what I evenlet myself to believe). And I thought things could get better after atumultuous month...but I guess I was wrong.

Oh AND injury upon insult, someone [the guy] had the nerve to email me yesterday to do something together or hang out or something, I don't know what he was thinking. I completely declined. I mentioned that he would still try to call me and ask me to hang out and stuff before he leaves, but I mean the day after?!!? Ridiculous. And now I have to see him day in and day out till the end of [the month]. Sigh. I think I'm doing alright though?

So yes. My reply? Will post it up in a few days. ;)

20 comments:

Winnie said...

Andrea,

No offence, but baring your friend's agony on the web for everyone to read seems a tad insensitive perhaps.

A lot of people would benefit from this, no doubt, they might have similar problems and would be grateful to you for this.

But if the problem were mine, and I trusted a friend enough to spill all, I probably would prefer she kept it in her =)

No offence ya, I learnt this lesson the hard way, so hope you wouldn't have to go through it too.

Scorpion (formerly x-mate) said...

D'oh. It's only one side of the story.

Scorpion (formerly x-mate) said...

...as you must have learnt in Public Law, Andrea...

"audi alteram partem" - hear the other side.

Fundamental to the rules of natural justice.

fazzy said...

wait a minute...i don't really get what's going on.

navarro said...

hmm...share the same sentiments as fazzy. seems really complicated...

Equanimity said...

Haha Scorp, but Andrea is NOT the judge, she is the counsel for the plaintiff ;-))

And winnie, the gal herself has given permission, and her name has been withheld... as everyone knows, Agony Aunt columns are usually published in Female, Her World, et al for the vicarious reading pleasure of the (presumably female) audience, some of whom may even actually learn to avoid the same old mistakes of the (prot)agonists ^_^ Apparently, gals enjoy reading these as much as guys enjoy watching WWF wrestling, lolz.

So here, let me guess how Andrea will reply...

1) preamble with a certain beautifully written poem, "Contemplations" ^_^, dedicated to some guy worthy of *contempt*... lolz

2) as both plaintiff AND defendant already know it is Finito, and said plaintiff fondly addresses defendant as "jerk", it is a simple "open & shut" case not worthy of lengthy debate. The gal was just seeking some validation lah.

3) here's the interesting part, where our dear Aunt Agony displays her supreme skills...
Having written the definitive PhD treatise on PMS - its causes, cures, and consequences, this will come in handy in passing sentence...

4) in the final act of this saga, it is discovered (to nobody's surprise) that the plaintiff has committed an act of Pre Meditated Stupidity, but as a Gal, she is entitled to a defence on grounds of PMS, alternatively known as Princesses' Main 'Scuse. She will be awarded damages to Purchase More Shoes/Stuff every time the jerk wants to hang out/do something together, eventually leading to his contracting Perennial Monetary Shortage, which in turn leads to his Personal Mandatory Scarcity. Problem solved!!! Lo & behold, the many uses & virtues of PMS !!!!

Beno said...

Equanimity: LOL... Surely that will drive any guys away from her(refering to your "use_his_money_for_my_needs_until_he_goes_crazy" method).

pathfinder said...

I dated a girl at work, but it ended well (all my relationships have). I guess I would have to agree that it's (generally) a bad idea.

I don't have a problem with the guy wanting to hang out after a "breakup" (whatever the time interval), because I've done it myself (but, again, my relationships have ended well). My problem is with the guy himself. If he's not worth it as a boyfriend (and he's not), he's not worth it as a friend.

I wonder if "do something together or hang out or something" means something...else.

Good Nite ` Kimmi said...

i got kinda blur about it.

u mean the guy don care much about your friend ( the girl ) and now trying to date u? or in other word, trying to hang out wif u and stuff uh?

Anonymous said...

hmmmm, who do i go to for my aunt agony for the stress WE go thru on wednesdays, pompuan?

andrew said...

Pompuan? Haha! Budak tanahair ke?

andrew said...

Chewren...it's simple!

In the beginning...
1.Boy into girl but girl not into boy.
2.Now girl into boy but boy leaving for studies end of month.

so now...
3.Boy making excuses about how r'ship won't work blah blah blah-basically, boy being total a**wipe!
4.Boy trying his luck-'hanging out' probably equates to 'friend with privileges' in his mind!

and girl is...
1.p*ss'd off for having fallen for him!
2.even more p*ss'd off he wants to 'hang out'!

Any questions?;)

So the solution for girl is...tell him to find a single door fridge that's at least got a 600l capacity and lock himself inside!

I think my version is simpler for lay people to understand without the legalese jargon! Hehe!

Good Nite ` Kimmi said...

lols! thx for your simple versio andrew. =)

pathfinder said...

Agony Aunt Andrea...

I know a girl with BEAUTY and BRAINS, but she's always busy with work and law school. How do I get her to pay attention to me? I have BRAWN and BRAINS, and am completely deserving of such attention.

:O

Jefferson said...

I hope your friend is alrite with this published in the blog.

Hope she's alrite & able to handle this situation. She has to decide whatever the actions she make.. Take care of her when she's down, k.

Qarezma Kaps said...

in short, guys are ignorant dimwits, and girls are over analytic (sp... dunno le)

the plus point of this guy.. he admitted to being a jerk..

pathfinder said...

Do you remember that first time I warned you about the bus accidents? I did it because that particular incident was eerily similar to your situation. But I did think that was going to be an anomaly...

Now, however, it seems I'm doing this on a regular basis! I don't know if any of this influences your decisions, but (at least) I know you know.

Latest...one dead, going from KB to KL, driver apparently fell asleep.

Ril said...

What did Bruce Lee order at the bar?

WA-TAHH!!!

J said...

Its "...then she was into" and not "Initially he was more into her as she was into him.."

oolio said...

I think you should leave your FAKE, PHONY, trying-too-hard ACCENT at the door!

What!?!? What is wrong with your natural Asian Malaysian accent. Wannabes like you make me sick!