Monday, August 6, 2007

Poetry: Contemplations

Can you love, when you don’t trust?
Is coming number one always a must?
Should you settle to be second best,
Or should you just make yourself care for less?

What if this love lacks respect?
And contradictions in his excuses you detect?
Should you just settle to be the one,
Who was holding his hand since it all begun?

Can you love a man who has told you lies?
And choose to reach a compromise?
Because no love has made you happier than his,
(Although no one has belittled you like this).

How do you know how much to put up for,
Without knowing if he will push for more,
You hear his secrets when people tell you,
And now the memories you have seem untrue.

I need to know when and where to draw the line,
Until then, I'll never know if his heart is truly mine.

27 comments:

Scorpion said...

A, not bad. Do you also write prose? Cuz so far, you've been sharing just poetry in your blog.

Scorpion said...

As regards the poem itself... I think some parts sound "forced", like you're forcing yourself to find a rhyme, rather than letting yourself go with the flow.

E.g. the lines, "Is coming number one always a must?" and, "I need to know when and where to draw the line" sound very artificial.

The important thing is not to be too mechanical about the rhyme scheme. You've adopted a strict a-a-b-b approach here; what's happened is that the actual RHYTHM and BEAT within the lines don't flow smoothly, sorta like hiccuping.. you know?

Relax on the rhyme scheme. let yourself explore less restrictive patterns like a-b-c-b and a-b-c-c, and you may well find your words really SINGING. Try your hand at sonnets and limericks too.

roy lim said...

I don't appreciate poetry, but scorpion sounds like he knows what he is talking about. Instructive, yet not show-offy.

But the man within the poem sounds like a pr**k. Likely to be an insecure egomaniac. Probably a compulsive flirt. Definitely a male chauvinist.

I should know. A pr**k knows a pr**k when he hears one.

Scorpion said...

roy: Hey thanks. By the way, did I say I was a "he"? :)

Eh, you say "A pr**k knows a pr**k when he hears one", aiyah - why say this of yourself?

andrew said...

A,

Cut those losses. Plenty of fish out there. Taking the bitter makes you appreciate the sweet when you taste it. I think that was an old Chinese saying but I could be wrong.

Anyhoo, my 1st is assuming you're writing on experience. If not, my mistake.

How does that tune from Monty Python go again...always look on the bright side of life...

On Walks the Nite said...

very nice poem, i like.. but also very sad ):..

on another note, roy.. pls lah you.. lurve urself man.. dun call yourself a pr**k ok?... d**k may sound a lil better.. but then again.. HA YA the point is you gotta lurve urself man? go find someone to hug ok?

Equanimity said...

Hi Andrea,

I would have written a reply to your poem, but somebody already wrote the perfect counterpoint some 200+ years ago... check it out in my second email. Eh, did my first email of Aug 2nd end up in your trashcan?

And I just realized... your birthday is just hours away from mine. What a coincidence!!!

pathfinder said...

Can you love...when you don't trust? Actually, yes...but will you BE loved?

I like this one. The rhyme is tight, and (with a coherent narrative) the poem is easy to understand. I agree with Scorpion on the cadence issue, but not its solution. The rhyme scheme is not the problem (like I said, I like it tight...that didn't sound poetic AT ALL), it's the rhythm WITHIN the lines. And watch the grammar...who HAS BEEN holding his hand since it all BEGAN. But I do like this one...

:)

Sigh...I have to say, again, you seem to have romanced quite a few creeps (but I guess we all have). My response to the poet is simple...dump the loser. I hope no one's treating you like this now, kid...for your sake AND mine.

;)

Equanimity said...

Hehe, my response to the poem is even shorter than pathfinder's :
"NEXT!!!" ^^

Now that FHM is rumoured to be contemplating changing their name to FONSEKA HOMAGE MAG ^_^ i see a very long queue lining up... hey! isn't that pathfinder right in front???

pathfinder said...

Equanimity...

"...my response to the poem is even shorter..."

AND sharper... :O

"...isn't that pathfinder right in front..."

No, I'm MUCH handsomer... ;)

Andrea Fonseka said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Andrea Fonseka said...

Lol.

No its not what I'm going through right now, just to let y'all know. ;)

Scorp: i dunno if i agree with you; when I wrote it (in all of 8 minutes or so), I never forced it to rhyme 'too much'. I guess at the back of my head i wanted it to so my mind just... went along with it. I dunno.

I wrote this piece as alot of girls (and even guys) go through this kinda thing. I thought lotsa people would be able to relate to the 'trust issue'.

fazzy said...

pathfinder: you lit teacher is it?analysing every line? =p

Andrea: why does it seem that you're always unusually skeptical about love..sometimes, you just have to take that leap of faith..and if things don't work out, you'll become a better person. if you are asking a million questions about a guy's love for you..something is not right. you should just cut your losses and leave. if despite everything your heart tells you he loves only you then its worth giving it a shot. anyway...i know i'm quite irrelevant but you're a smart, independent woman. i don't think you have much to worry about cos you'll know when that guy comes along..if he takes a while then...you're fine on your own too right?

Gabe said...

Andrea, You worte the poem in 8 minutes?

I hope you are not going through what you have written...

Totally agreed with Faz...Wish you have a wonderful love life.. and I am sure you will....

8 mins....Hmmmm..You okie Girl?

pathfinder said...

"...not what I'm going through right now..."

As CM Burns would say, "Excellent..." ;)

"...in all of 8 minutes..."

Don't bluff...really? :O

"...trust issue..."

I actually do NOT relate to the trust issue, which is interesting. Maybe my girlfriends were more trustworthy than your boyfriends, or maybe women are just more trustworthy than men...something I refuse to concede. ;)

Scorpion said...

fazzy: Come on, you are NOT irrelevant. Hey if you are, then aren't we all?

pathfinder said...

A, it seems to me you're padding your comment count... :O

Andrea Fonseka said...

Good thing I'm not going through that crap (anymore) lah. ;)

I don't know about you guys, for sharing my poetry (i've written LOTS), is a really intimate thing for me to do. I can't anyhow post stuff up what right; it usually really reflects my state of mind and emotion when I wrote it. Of course there are some pieces that have been written with other people's situations in mind. ;) I cant be all that depressed all the time! ;P

Equanimity: Fonseka Homage Mag?? *ROFLMAO*!!! That's a good one! heheh.

Path: I will NEVER need to pad my comment counts as long as you're here.. ;)

NoFoolsParadise said...

Hi Andrea,

Nice poem. Even if it's you just brainstorming on the topic it's very truthful about the internal struggle between the head and the heart - that makes the writing a poignant one. I think the urge to go with emotion against better judgement is purely human and learning how to deal with it makes part of who we r.

"Contemplations" an apt title too cuz I found myself mulling over some of those questions after reading. Thanx for sharing the thoughts that hit u :)

Anyway whats *ROFLMAO* (it sounds like some tough cat.)

Equanimity: Brilliant idea. "For Him" definitely pales compared to "Fonseka Homage".

Well, it's national day tomorrow and there's "Live the dream" right after the fireworks on telly. Fantastic!

Path go :O

Scorpion said...

nofoolsparadise: "ROFLMAO" = "roll on floor laughing my ass off".

It's usually figurative. Who actually rolls on the floor laughing his/her ass off when he/she types something like that anyway?

ck said...

scorpion:

darn! and i ALWAYS thought that ROLFMAO = roll over floor laughing MAO ie; pictured some fat cat (garfield) laughing on the floor rolled over... heh heh.

can't imagine A as a fat cat on the floor doing the ROFLMAO whilst typing out poetic justice.. :P

pathfinder said...

"Good thing I'm not going through that..."

Somebody's going to ask if you're a kid of the Sixties... :)

"I don't know about you guys, for sharing my poetry...is a really intimate thing for me to do."

I said exactly this when I was defending you before! Sharing poetry is difficult for me, actually, but it's alright because nobody knows who I am...except you. :)

"...long as you're here..."

Yes...I need to get a life. ;) After LTD airs tomorrow, this blog COULD be exploding with comments...

pathfinder said...

NFP...

Go...where? ;)

pathfinder said...

"...number one always a must?"

I thought you were talking about being a priority in his life. In context, however, it seems like you're wondering...should you be content with being his ONLY (or even...just his TOP) woman? :O

Jefferson said...

I wonder myself with this.. All I could come up with is, you have to live with your choices.. live life as you go.

pathfinder said...

Scorpion...

Does A write PROSE? Most of this blog IS prose...

Brian Siegel said...

Promises can sometimes be the thinnest of things, so we need to follow through, encourage, and love with more passion and trusting loyalty! Sincerely, Brian Siegel