Last night I attended a lovely event by Style Magazine and Lush.fm... It was lots of fun, Thanks to Azzy, lovely lovely man. :) Met up with lots of old friends, uncluding David (Editor of FHM), met new girl Charmaine who will be joining Kosmic Films (my agency) sometime soon.
But that's now I'm going to talk about here.
This blog is dedicated to all you men out there who think you know what women want, keep playing "Mr. Nice Guy Who Is Super Romantic", and keep wondering why you never seem to be able to hold on to a girl for more than two months.
*ahem* So here goes. *Dims the lights, puts up slides ala powerpoint*
WOMEN WANT MEN TO BE MEN.
There's a reason why guys are guys and girls are girls. There's a reason why we can get away with miniskirts and you can't. When a woman is with a man, she wants the man to be the MAN in the relationship. Yes, give in to her when appropriate (like when she says she *really* wants to watch Ocean's 13, whereas you'd prefer to go ga-ga over Jessica Alba in Fantastic 4) ~ but always make it clear through your actions that you're the man in the relationship.
Never EVER (especially within the first year of your relationship):
1. Write poetry for her everynight in the first two months of your relationship.
2. Send her flowers more than once every six months (unless her birthday and valentines and your anniversary are around the same time)
3. Take her out on dates and shower her with gifts more than once a month.
4. Call her every moment of every day saying how much you love her and how the sun revolves around her.
5. Make a CD for her in the first month of your relationship so she'll know what songs make you go all soft when you think of her.
6. Tell her everyday that she's the only thing keeping you alive.
Now, the above list are things you shouldn't do on a regular basis. You *may* indulge in one or two of the above, one or twice a year TOPS, but any more than that she'll start expecting, and the moment you slip up, she'll bite your head off.
1. Assert your position as the man in the relationship. She wants to be led sometimes; i.e: No. I will NOT be going to your family dinner tonight for (enter legitimate reason here)
2. Lead her. E.g: When you walk into a room, go in first, lead her by the hand. Tell her what you'd rather do, instead of saying "Up to you, darlings-schumpkins". These little things make a difference.
3. Allow her to see that you will not stand for any form of disprespect to your status as her boyfriend. E.g: if she has a guy friend she freely hugs and kisses (on cheeks) and dances with at clubs when you're around, kick up a fuss. That sort of Public Friendly Display of Affection is fundamentally disrespectful towards you: What will people think of you as her boyfriend, standing right there, while she's dancing with some random guy who's been friends with her for a coupla years? *disregard this one if the guy is gay - but even that has limits sometimes*.
4. Now in no means does this allow you to be self centered and obnoxious. "Compensate" her by supporting her interests (her career, her hobbies) and actively look for ways to help her out in terms of it.
5. If she starts pulling the desperate "I'm depressed" tantrums (most of the time its to seek attention) - be there for her once or twice a month: listen, etc. But any more than that is just plain lame, you cannot allow the relationship to be all about her and her 'miserable life'. Tell her to strap up and face the real world: things cannot go her way always. Be logical when you explain this to her, not demeaning. She'll appreciate it.
6. Love her, but SHOW her you love her through discreet actions. You can say it, once in a while, but we all know actions speak louder than words. Buy her flowers (if you havent in the past four months), for no reason. Cook her dinner (three to four times a year). But always remember: treat her how you'd be treating her in ten years. Because if she's the one for you, she'll stay for the man you are inside. If not, you're going to be worshipping an ungrateful "Goddess" for two years before you get tired of it, and then she'll turn around and say, "You dont love me like you used to cause you dont help me put on my shoes anymore before we go out."
Bottom line is: If she wants a man, she'll go out with one. Men must act like men, and not like 'chicks' (poetry writing, flowers all the time). If she wanted all that, she'd turn lesbian.
I know this is an entirely dogmatic male perspective, and I realise that this may not work for everyone. This is simply what I have gathered through my own experiences in Singapore and Malaysia, and I would not like to claim any responsibility towards whatever negative reprocusions this advice may cause. ;) This is simply how I view relationships, and how I'd like to be treated.
What do y'all think though?