What Men Want...(this is Pt 1 as well. ;) )

Okay this is for all the ladies out there (I cant just cater to you guys, right?)

I first need to get the ground rules straight: If there's one thing I learnt as a girl in Singapore (and Malaysia), and being really good mates with guys for as long as I can remember... its this.

Guys are actually very simple creatures.

Don't overanalyse their actions, as most of the time, it is the simplest explanation that would be the truth.

Eg: He's not calling you.
Overanalysed answer to predicament: He must be busy, or he's playing 'the game' or he's gay.
Simple answer: He's just not interested enough to take the time to call you.

Explanation: If a guy's interested, he will ALWAYS make time to call, or text you at the very least. If he doesn't (replies the next time you see him with a "Oh darling, I'm sorry, I've been so busy!) - he's just not interested PERIOD. Cut your losses, and move on.

Okay now we're done with that, we can move on to a situation where the both of you have actually been on some dates.. or you're arranging to go on your first date, whatever. This guideline applies to Nice, Decent girls, who aren't out there to use a guy for materialistic ends, or who enjoy torturing them by playing with their feelings. If you're one of 'those' girls, I suggest you change your ways cause, babe, there's such a thing as Karma, and when it bites you in the ass, it never lets go.

What not to do.
1. Talk about your exes. If guys would have it their way, they'd like to be the first and only man in your life. But they know its not possible for your gorgeous being to have gone unnoticed for more than one and a half decades. Still, no need to remind them that you've been with other guys. And its not a nice way to 'hint' to him that you've been treated "so well" and that you have expectations on him *already*. Furthermore, its an indication that you're not over a certain ex (if you're constantly talking about him). If he asks, answer as vaguely as possible, and change he subject.

2. Talk about your faults, like you're warning him. The explanation of this is simple: Subconciously we humans (esp girls) like to point our flaws out before people notice them because then it'd be like 'its okay'. Eg. Girls saying, "omg I've put on so much weight lately" in the first five minutes of the conversation, or "sigh I dont know what to do, I overplucked my eyebrows!". Remember this, girls. You're sussing HIM out to be a potential partner, not the other way around. Men are happy to have any decent woman. If you talk about your bad spending habits, your personal hygiene and your allergy to deodrants, he's just going to run for the hills. "Faults" like that aren't first date conversations; its for him to find out about them as you get to know each other, and who knows; he might even accept you for who you are and love you for you.

3. Write him long emails. This goes both for "happy times" and "bad times". If you guys are doing great and you write him a "I love to be with you" email that's about 10 pages long, its very likely he'll freak out. Remember, men are simple creatures. Its amazing that guys even read this blog (methinks its the visuals that come with it, but oh well! ;) ) - and if you send him an email like that it will sound like you're expecting him to do the same for you. Which he wont like to feel pressured into. Worse still, if you're having a rough patch, or already broken up and you want to get him back, or if you're already over him and feel like sending 'one last email' for 'closure' - DON'T. I have been guilty of all of the above many many times, and its really no use. With simple creatures, actions speak louder than words and you don't need to SAY you're mad with him and list A-Z on why he's an inadequate guy, or that You're So Over Him Because .... . Doesn't need to be done. Just tell him he's an Ass, and walk away. Once you've cooled down, talk things out if you can. What I used to do is have a blog up, and rant (by writing poetry) on it. It was a hidden message to him, and he knew it. He'd never bring it up of course, but I know he got the message.

4. Which brings me on to the next, most important point. Never Ever Mention the "C" word. Commitment, that is. NEVER bring up the conversation about "Where's this going? Are we in a Committed relationship?"... That one guarunteeeeed will send him running. Fast. No looking back type of 1000 mile sprint. If he doesn't (lucky you), he'll still be really weary, which is not a good thing. Reason for this is simple: If he's still with you, taking you out on dates, its clear he likes you. Its clear he's into you. Simple minds dont think further than lunchtime tomorrow, so guys don't really think of "commitment" perse. Until it really hits them, and if you're the amazing person that I'm sure you are, he'll realise that sooner or later and HE'LL be the one to bring it up, not you. In the meantime, mimick his behaviour to a certain extent. If he wants to meet up on thursdays, but likes to spend time with his friends on Fridays, you do the same. Spend time with YOUR friends on Fridays. ;) (NB: This only applies to relationships younger than a year. If you guys have been dating for a year and its kind of the same as the first month, and he's not any better, you better start wondering if a) there's another woman, b) he's not secretly married, or c) he's mentally retarded and you're better off seeing someone else.)

5. Never bring him to meet your parents before he brings you to meet his. Explanation is simple, he'll feel pressured again. You must wait for him to make the first move towards any kind of "seriousness" in a relationship. (explanation above).

6. If you're dealing with a player: Don't try to change him. Never expressly try to change a man. If he's going to change (I believe people can), he'll do it without you asking. Pointing out his flaws only belittles him, and would make him stubborn. If you can accept it, try. If you cant, leave. Simple simple..

7. Dont play "the game". And by game I mean the "Oh i'm busy tonight, maybe i'll see you tomorrow, I'll call" - and you never call. Look, this is fine if you're dating a boy. But if you're dating a man, he wont appreciate this. Do, however, play it casual. "Oh drinks? Sure. I'll see ya later." If he asks you. BUT PLEASE REMEMBER: DO NOT wait for him. Eg; If he's supposed to call and make dinner plans, and you hear nothing by 6pm, go ahead with your own thing. If he calls last minute and you're busy doing something else, too bad. You don't need to drop everything for him and go running. This would teach him to call on time, and make and effort to attain your attention and time. Play it cool, but still show you're interested: "So sorry, I didn't hear from you and my friends asked me out. Why don't we do dinner tomorrow instead?" - and set the time, so there's no waiting for calls anymore. Or even better, ask him to join you. Or meet up later for drinks. :)

What To Do: (this, however does not apply to assholes. Guys like that you should just leave.)

1. Laugh, smile and be yourself. Really. If he's going to fall in love, he should fall in love with YOU.

2. Take pride in yourself, and how you look. No, I dont mean be a vainpot and take two hours to get ready all the time: But lets put it this way. We feel best about ourselves when we look our best. A little nail polish is always nice, a little lip gloss is always sweet. Just cause you've been dating for a couple of months doesnt mean that you don't need to shave your legs AT ALL, and that you can let that extra little moustache runneth over. Its true: if he loves you, he'll love you for you and a few extra pounds and a little hairgrowth wont matter. But on the way to that 'true love'-ness, he may need a little extra coaxing with the physical matter. ;) And honestly, I think that if a lady respects herself as a woman, would always find the time to trim her hair every few months, and exfoliate and give herself little facials. I always want to look my best when I can, because it makes me feel good. And that sort of positive energy is contagious, and very attractive.

3. Remember this quote from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." (this also relates to my previous post) ~ "Men like thinking their the head. Let them. But we know it is the woman that is the neck: And the neck turns the head in any direction it wants..." So yes. Let the guy be the guy. With a little coaxing and sweet looking pouts, you could probably get him to do anything. Men in general want to please their woman, and to provide them with whatever they can. I'm not saying its okay to coax him into buying you that diamond necklace that's going to cost him a year's salary (that's just being mean, materialistic and .. well, mean.) A nice example of this would be, if dinner crops up, you can mention, "I hear there's that really nice restaurant at Clarke Quay, its supposed to be really good. I'd love to try it sometime. I think you'd like it too." ~ then the decision on where to eat will ultimately be his, but you've got your two cents in already. If your guy just goes, "Uh. McDonalds is nearer", it could be one of two things: Either you're dealing with a scrooge who hates spending money (can you accept that? refer to note above, no6), or he's just plain lazy. If its the second, you could always look at him, and say, "I'd really really like to try it, and it'd ake me so happy if you could take me there tonight.. " and smile smile kiss kiss. If he doesn't succumb to your sweetness, I can't help you already. :P

4. Understand him, or try your very best to. If he loves football, there's nothing you can do during the World Cup. And if he's a gamer, be prepared to lose him for a good 3 hours a day at least. Boys will be boys, I'm sure there's something you can do during that period of time that will take your mind off what a kid you're dealing with. ;) Trust me, he'll love you more for it.

5. Flirt with him. This applies if you've been with him for a month or years. Flirtation is always sexy, it never grows old. It helps to keep the relationship fresh, and guys will always fall for it. A little twinkle in your eye is all it needs to take your relationship back to where it began.

...I can't think of anything else you should do, really. Will update this list when it occurs to me. :)